Emma Watson Pussy
War And Peace
I can. I wish it
to happen and my heart tells me it will."
"No, it cannot be! How happy I am! But it cant be.... How happy I
am! No, it cant be!" Pierre kept saying as he kissed Princess
"Go to Petersburg, that will be best. And I will write to you,"
"To Petersburg? Go there? Very well, Ill go. But I may come again
Next day Pierre came to say good-by. Natasha was less animated
than she had been the day before; but that day as he looked at her
Pierre sometimes felt as if he was vanishing and that neither he nor
she existed any longer, that nothing existed but happiness. "Is it
possible? No, it cant be," he told himself at every look, gesture,
and word that filled his soul with joy.
When on saying good-by he took her thin, slender hand, he could
not help holding it a little longer in his own.
"Is it possible that this hand, that face, those eyes, all this
treasure of feminine charm so strange to me now, is it possible that
it will one day be mine forever, as familiar to me as I am to
myself?... No, thats impossible!..."
"Good-by, Count," she said aloud. "I shall look forward very much to
your return," she added in a whisper.
And these simple words, her look, and the expression on her face
which accompanied them, formed for two months the subject of
inexhaustible memories, interpretations, and happy meditations for
Pierre. "I shall look forward very much to your return.... Yes, yes,
how did she say it? Yes, I shall look forward very much to your
return. Oh, how happy I am! What is happening to me? How happy I am!"
said Pierre to himself.
There was nothing in Pierres soul now at all like what had troubled
it during his courtship of Helene.
He did not repeat to himself with a sickening feeling of shame the
words he had spoken, or say: "Oh, why did I not say that?" and,
"Whatever made me say Je vous aime?" On the contrary, he now
repeated in imagination every word that he or Natasha had spoken and
pictured every detail of her face and smile, and did not wish to
diminish or add anything, but only to repeat it again and again. There
was now not a shadow of doubt in his mind as to whether what he had
undertaken was right or wrong. Only one terrible doubt sometimes
crossed his mind: "Wasnt it all a dream? Isnt Princess Mary
mistaken? Am I not too conceited and self-confident? I believe all
this--and suddenly Princess Mary will tell her, and she will be sure
to smile and say: How strange! He must be deluding himself. Doesnt
he know that he is a man, just a man, while I...? I am something
altogether different and higher."
That was the only doubt often troubling Pierre. He did not now
make any plans. The happiness before him appeared so inconceivable
that if only he could attain it, it would be the end of all things.
Everything ended with that.
A joyful, unexpected frenzy, of which he had thought himself
incapable, possessed him. The whole meaning of life--not for him alone
but for the whole world--seemed to him centered in his love and the
possibility of being loved by her. At times everybody seemed to him to
be occupied with one thing only--his future happiness. Sometimes it
seemed to him that other people were all as pleased as he was
himself and merely tried to hide that pleasure by pretending to be
busy with other interests. In every word and gesture he saw
allusions to his happiness. He often surprised those he met by his
significantly happy looks and smiles which seemed to express a
secret understanding between him and them. And when he realized that
people might not be aware of his happiness, he pitied them with his
whole heart and felt a desire somehow to explain to them that all that
occupied them was a mere frivolous trifle unworthy of attention.
When it was suggested to him that he should enter the civil service,
or when the war or any general political affairs were discussed on the
assumption that everybodys welfare depended on this or that issue
of events, he would listen with a mild and pitying smile and
surprise people by his strange comments. But at this time he saw
everybody--both those who, as he imagined, understood the real meaning
of life (that is, what he was
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