Emma Watson Pussy
War And Peace
with disgust. Toward morning he became quiet and she
She woke late. That sincerity which often comes with waking showed
her clearly what chiefly concerned her about her fathers illness.
On waking she listened to what was going on behind the door and,
hearing him groan, said to herself with a sigh that things were
still the same.
"But what could have happened? What did I want? I want his death!"
she cried with a feeling of loathing for herself.
She washed, dressed, said her prayers, and went out to the porch. In
front of it stood carriages without horses and things were being
packed into the vehicles.
It was a warm, gray morning. Princess Mary stopped at the porch,
still horrified by her spiritual baseness and trying to arrange her
thoughts before going to her father. The doctor came downstairs and
went out to her.
"He is a little better today," said he. "I was looking for you.
One can make out something of what he is saying. His head is
clearer. Come in, he is asking for you..."
Princess Marys heart beat so violently at this news that she grew
pale and leaned against the wall to keep from falling. To see him,
talk to him, feel his eyes on her now that her whole soul was
overflowing with those dreadful, wicked temptations, was a torment
of joy and terror.
"Come," said the doctor.
Princess Mary entered her fathers room and went up to his bed. He
was lying on his back propped up high, and his small bony hands with
their knotted purple veins were lying on the quilt; his left eye gazed
straight before him, his right eye was awry, and his brows and lips
motionless. He seemed altogether so thin, small, and pathetic. His
face seemed to have shriveled or melted; his features had grown
smaller. Princess Mary went up and kissed his hand. His left hand
pressed hers so that she understood that he had long been waiting
for her to come. He twitched her hand, and his brows and lips quivered
She looked at him in dismay trying to guess what he wanted of her.
When she changed her position so that his left eye could see her
face he calmed down, not taking his eyes off her for some seconds.
Then his lips and tongue moved, sounds came, and he began to speak,
gazing timidly and imploringly at her, evidently afraid that she might
Straining all her faculties Princess Mary looked at him. The comic
efforts with which he moved his tongue made her drop her eyes and with
difficulty repress the sobs that rose to her throat. He said
something, repeating the same words several times. She could not
understand them, but tried to guess what he was saying and inquiringly
repeated the words he uttered.
"Mmm...ar...ate...ate..." he repeated several times.
It was quite impossible to understand these sounds. The doctor
thought he had guessed them, and inquiringly repeated: "Mary, are
you afraid?" The prince shook his head, again repeated the same
"My mind, my mind aches?" questioned Princess Mary.
He made a mumbling sound in confirmation of this, took her hand, and
began pressing it to different parts of his breast as if trying to
find the right place for it.
"Always thoughts... about you... thoughts..." he then uttered much
more clearly than he had done before, now that he was sure of being
Princess Mary pressed her head against his hand, trying to hide
her sobs and tears.
He moved his hand over her hair.
"I have been calling you all night..." he brought out.
"If only I had known..." she said through her tears. "I was afraid
to come in."
He pressed her hand.
"Werent you asleep?"
"No, I did not sleep," said Princess Mary, shaking her head.
Unconsciously imitating her father, she now tried to express herself
as he did, as much as possible by signs, and her tongue too seemed
to move with difficulty.
"Dear one... Dearest..." Princess Mary could not quite make out what
he had said, but from his look it was clear that he had uttered a
tender caressing word such as he had never used to her before. "Why
didnt you come in?"
"And I was wishing for his death!" thought Princess Mary.
He was silent awhile.
"Thank you... daughter dear!... for all, for all... forgive!...
thank you!... forgive!... thank you!..." and tears began to flow
from his eyes. "Call Andrew!" he said suddenly, and a childish,
timid expression of doubt showed itself on his face as he spoke.
He himself seemed aware that his demand
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