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Anna Karenina 425


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Anna Karenina

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All I can want is that you should not desert me, as you think of doing," she said, understanding all he had not uttered. "But that I dont want; thats secondary. I want love, and there is none. So then all is over." She turned towards the door. "Stop! sto-op!" said Vronsky, with no change in the gloomy lines of his brows, though he held her by the hand. "What is it all about? I said that we must put off going for three days, and on that you told me I was lying, that I was not an honorable man." "Yes, and I repeat that the man who reproaches me with having sacrificed everything for me," she said, recalling the words of a still earlier quarrel, "that hes worse than a dishonorable man-- hes a heartless man." "Oh, there are limits to endurance!" he cried, and hastily let go her hand. "He hates me, thats clear," she thought, and in silence, without looking round, she walked with faltering steps out of the room. "He loves another woman, thats even clearer," she said to herself as she went into her own room. "I want love, and there is none. So, then, all is over." She repeated the words she had said, "and it must be ended." "But how?" she asked herself, and she sat down in a low chair before the looking glass. Thoughts of where she would go now, whether to the aunt who had brought her up, to Dolly, or simply alone abroad, and of what _he_ was doing now alone in his study; whether this was the final quarrel, or whether reconciliation were still possible; and of what all her old friends at Petersburg would say of her now; and of how Alexey Alexandrovitch would look at it, and many other ideas of what would happen now after this rupture, came into her head; but she did not give herself up to them with all her heart. At the bottom of her heart was some obscure idea that alone interested her, but she could not get clear sight of it. Thinking once more of Alexey Alexandrovitch, she recalled the time of her illness after her confinement, and the feeling which never left her at that time. "Why didnt I die?" and the words and the feeling of that time came back to her. And all at once she knew what was in her soul. Yes, it was that idea which alone solved all. "Yes, to die!... And the shame and disgrace of Alexey Alexandrovitch and of Seryozha, and my awful shame, it will all be saved by death. To die! and he will feel remorse; will be sorry; will love me; he will suffer on my account." With the trace of a smile of commiseration for herself she sat down in the armchair, taking off and putting on the rings on her left hand, vividly picturing from different sides his feelings after her death. Approaching footsteps--his steps--distracted her attention. As though absorbed in the arrangement of her rings, she did not even turn to him. He went up to her, and taking her by the hand, said softly: "Anna, well go the day after tomorrow, if you like. I agree to everything." She did not speak. "What is it?" he urged. "You know," she said, and at the same instant, unable to restrain herself any longer, she burst into sobs. "Cast me off!" she articulated between her sobs. "Ill go away tomorrow...Ill do more. What am I? An immoral woman! A stone round your neck. I dont want to make you wretched, I dont want to! Ill set you free. You dont love me; you love someone else!" Vronsky besought her to be calm, and declared that there was no trace of foundation for her jealousy; that he had never ceased, and never would cease, to love her; that he loved her more than ever. "Anna, why distress yourself and me so?" he said to her, kissing her hands. There was tenderness now in his face, and she fancied she caught the sound of tears in his voice, and she felt them wet on her hand. And instantly Annas despairing jealousy changed to a despairing passion of tenderness. She put her arms round him, and covered with kisses his head, his neck, his hands. Chapter 25 Feeling that the reconciliation was complete, Anna set eagerly to work in the morning preparing for

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