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Anna Karenina 39


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Anna Karenina

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and hid her face in it. "I can understand being carried away by feeling," she went on after a brief silence, "but deliberately, slyly deceiving me...and with whom?... To go on being my husband together with her...its awful! You cant understand..." "Oh, yes, I understand! I understand! Dolly, dearest, I do understand," said Anna, pressing her hand. "And do you imagine he realizes all the awfulness of my position?" Dolly resumed. "Not the slightest! Hes happy and contented." "Oh, no!" Anna interposed quickly. "Hes to be pitied, hes weighed down by remorse..." "Is he capable of remorse?" Dolly interrupted, gazing intently into her sister-in-laws face. "Yes. I know him. I could not look at him without feeling sorry for him. We both know him. Hes good-hearted, but hes proud, and now hes so humiliated. What touched me most..." (and here Anna guessed what would touch Dolly most) "hes tortured by two things: that hes ashamed for the childrens sake, and that, loving you--yes, yes, loving you beyond everything on earth," she hurriedly interrupted Dolly, who would have answered--"he has hurt you, pierced you to the heart. No, no, she cannot forgive me, he keeps saying." Dolly looked dreamily away beyond her sister-in-law as she listened to her words. "Yes, I can see that his position is awful; its worse for the guilty than the innocent," she said, "if he feels that all the misery comes from his fault. But how am I to forgive him, how am I to be his wife again after her? For me to live with him now would be torture, just because I love my past love for him..." And sobs cut short her words. But as though of set design, each time she was softened she began to speak again of what exasperated her. "Shes young, you see, shes pretty," she went on. "Do you know, Anna, my youth and my beauty are gone, taken by whom? By him and his children. I have worked for him, and all I had has gone in his service, and now of course any fresh, vulgar creature has more charm for him. No doubt they talked of me together, or, worse still, they were silent. Do you understand?" Again her eyes glowed with hatred. "And after that he will tell me.... What! can I believe him? Never! No, everything is over, everything that once made my comfort, the reward of my work, and my sufferings.... Would you believe it, I was teaching Grisha just now: once this was a joy to me, now it is a torture. What have I to strive and toil for? Why are the children here? Whats so awful is that all at once my hearts turned, and instead of love and tenderness, I have nothing but hatred for him; yes, hatred. I could kill him." "Darling Dolly, I understand, but dont torture yourself. You are so distressed, so overwrought, that you look at many things mistakenly." Dolly grew calmer, and for two minutes both were silent. "Whats to be done? Think for me, Anna, help me. I have thought over everything, and I see nothing." Anna could think of nothing, but her heart responded instantly to each word, to each change of expression of her sister-in-law. "One thing I would say," began Anna. "I am his sister, I know his character, that faculty of forgetting everything, everything" (she waved her hand before her forehead), "that faculty for being completely carried away, but for completely repenting too. He cannot believe it, he cannot comprehend now how he can have acted as he did." "No; he understands, he understood!" Dolly broke in. "But I...you are forgetting me...does it make it easier for me?" "Wait a minute. When he told me, I will own I did not realize all the awfulness of your position. I saw nothing but him, and that the family was broken up. I felt sorry for him, but after talking to you, I see it, as a woman, quite differently. I see your agony, and I cant tell you how sorry I am for you! But, Dolly, darling, I fully realize your sufferings, only there is one thing I dont know; I dont know...I dont know how much love there is still in your heart for him. That you know--whether there is enough for you to be able to forgive him. If there is, forgive him!" "No," Dolly was beginning,

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