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Anna Karenina 255

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Anna Karenina

War And Peace

You care about farming, hunting,--well, youd better look out!" "Arhip was here today; he said there were a lot of elks in Prudno, and two bears," said Tchirikov. "Well, you must go and get them without me." "Ah, thats the truth," said Sergey Ivanovitch. "And you may say good-bye to bear-hunting for the future--your wife wont allow it!" Levin smiled. The picture of his wife not letting him go was so pleasant that he was ready to renounce the delights of looking upon bears forever. "Still, its a pity they should get those two bears without you. Do you remember last time at Hapilovo? That was a delightful hunt!" said Tchirikov. Levin had not the heart to disillusion him of the notion that there could be something delightful apart from her, and so said nothing. "Theres some sense in this custom of saying good-bye to bachelor life," said Sergey Ivanovitch. "However happy you may be, you must regret your freedom." "And confess there is a feeling that you want to jump out of the window, like Gogols bridegroom?" "Of course there is, but it isnt confessed," said Katavasov, and he broke into loud laughter. "Oh, well, the windows open. Lets start off this instant to Tver! Theres a big she-bear; one can go right up to the lair. Seriously, lets go by the five oclock! And here let them do what they like," said Tchirikov, smiling. "Well, now, on my honor," said Levin, smiling, "I cant find in my heart that feeling of regret for my freedom." "Yes, theres such a chaos in your heart just now that you cant find anything there," said Katavasov. "Wait a bit, when you set it to rights a little, youll find it!" "No; if so, I should have felt a little, apart from my feeling" (he could not say love before them) "and happiness, a certain regret at losing my freedom.... On the contrary, I am glad at the very loss of my freedom." "Awful! Its a hopeless case!" said Katavasov. "Well, lets drink to his recovery, or wish that a hundredth part of his dreams may be realized--and that would be happiness such as never has been seen on earth!" Soon after dinner the guests went away to be in time to be dressed for the wedding. When he was left alone, and recalled the conversation of these bachelor friends, Levin asked himself: had he in his heart that regret for his freedom of which they had spoken? He smiled at the question. "Freedom! What is freedom for? Happiness is only in loving and wishing her wishes, thinking her thoughts, that is to say, not freedom at all--thats happiness!" "But do I know her ideas, her wishes, her feelings?" some voice suddenly whispered to him. The smile died away from his face, and he grew thoughtful. And suddenly a strange feeling came upon him. There came over him a dread and doubt--doubt of everything. "What if she does not love me? What if shes marrying me simply to be married? What if she doesnt see herself what shes doing?" he asked himself. "She may come to her senses, and only when she is being married realize that she does not and cannot love me." And strange, most evil thoughts of her began to come to him. He was jealous of Vronsky, as he had been a year ago, as though the evening he had seen her with Vronsky had been yesterday. He suspected she had not told him everything. He jumped up quickly. "No, this cant go on!" he said to himself in despair. "Ill go to her; Ill ask her; Ill say for the last time: we are free, and hadnt we better stay so? Anythings better than endless misery, disgrace, unfaithfulness!" With despair in his heart and bitter anger against all men, against himself, against her, he went out of the hotel and drove to her house. He found her in one of the back rooms. She was sitting on a chest and making some arrangements with her maid, sorting over heaps of dresses of different colors, spread on the backs of chairs and on the floor. "Ah!" she cried, seeing him, and beaming with delight. "Kostya! Konstantin Dmitrievitch!" (These latter days she used these names almost alternately.) "I didnt expect you! Im going through my wardrobe to see whats for whom..." "Oh! thats very nice!" he said gloomily, looking at the maid. "You can go, Dunyasha, Ill call you

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